Four years after its release, Cheap Thrills still kicks all kinds of ass. There isn’t one element of that film that stands out from the rest, with the performances, direction, editing, and writing all firing on cylinders. Personally, I’ve kept an eye on every member of the cast and crew’s projects since this one, excited to see what they’ll come up with next. Since Trent Haaga wrote Cheap Thrills, surely a follow-up project might be nearly as good, right? Well, short answer, no, 68 Kill is not anywhere near as good as Cheap Thrills. Sadly, 68 Kill isn’t even as good as most other movies I’ve seen, proving that sometimes you capture lightning in a bottle, or in the case of 68 Kill, you’re lucky to catch farts in a bottle.

Take a seat, Mr. Gubler, I don’t think you’ll like this.

We all have that one friend who dates someone who is way too attractive for them, with the caveat that they’re a bad person? Well, in the world of 68 Kill, nice guy Chip (Matthew Gray Gubler) dates hot prostitute Liza (AnnaLynne McCord) despite her being a pretty awful person. Liza convinces Chip to rob one of her clients for $68,000, but when the robbery gets out of hand, Liza shows her true, even more villainous colors. Chip might be able to escape Liza temporarily, but his getaway is far from clean, as he encounters a wide variety of despicable characters, proving there’s no such thing as a “perfect crime.”

Hot women love degenerate men!

After watching certain films, you can easily deduce what the elevator pitch was, which is normally, “Imagine this movie meets this other movie?” and then it makes a billion dollars. 68 Kill was clearly sold as “See, it’s a black ROMANTIC comedy! Get it?” and it was off to the races. In that respect, it’s true to many romantic comedies, in that the lead “hero” is interacting with women who are way out of his league and generally are one-dimensional caricatures instead of being treated as humans. Chip, for some reason, regularly encounters a variety of stereotypical women that he either sleeps with or sees naked, because…I don’t know, plot, I guess? It would be a little extreme to say that this film downright hates women, based on how the characters are written, but to say the film is “problematic” in its treatment of female characters would be a little too gentle. To be fair, 68 Kill is actually based on a novel of the same name by Bryan Smith, so it’s possible Haaga made a faithful adaptation of that story and, if that’s the case, I truly hope to never read a book that misogynist.

I’ll just be over here trying to remember if there were women in this film who we don’t see in their underwear.

This isn’t to say that the film is a complete trainwreck, as the entire tone of the film is that of “fun, midnight movie,” it’s just that, upon any analysis other than its surface value, it doesn’t hold up. Gubler is relatively endearing in his performance, as are much of the cast. McCord and other awful women, played by Sheila Vand and Alisha Boe, all give it their best, but the script completely fails them. I could potentially be interested in Haaga’s future directing projects, but I’m not quite sure I could stomach another one of his written efforts. I shouldn’t be surprised that, after writing Deadgirl, about two teenage boys who find a zombie-like girl chained up in a hospital and take turns raping her, could write another film with such disparaging interpretations of women, but I guess I had hoped for more. But, then again, what the hell do I know? If I wanted to be as progressive as I want my movies to be, maybe I should stop referring to myself as “Wolfman” and call myself “Wolfperson.”

Wolfman Moon Scale

Ever since the days of Friendster (yeah kids, I’m talking FRIENDSTER!), I’ve been fascinated with the way that social media would impact the development of society. In my own personal experiences, I had found people growing narcissistic and would focus far more on how their lives were portrayed on the internet versus focusing on their tangible reality. When I heard the description for Like Me, it sounded right up my alley, but upon actually viewing the film, it was just as shallow as the personalities it was portraying.

The film opens with a convenience store robbery at gunpoint that is documented on a mobile phone, only to have that footage be posted to social media for the robber’s “fans.” The social media phenom, Kiya (Addison Timlin), receives mostly positive feedback from her fans, while others compel her to go further with her antics. Kiya takes the criticism personally, challenging herself to take things to the next level, which cause her to kidnap the older man Marshall (Larry Fessenden) and torture him in a variety of physical and emotional way, broadcasting for all to see. The journey these two take together reveals things about one another they didn’t expect this experiment would, leading them to truths about the human condition. Well, not really though, but the characters seem to think that.

How could we not like you?! You’ve got a cool hat and obviously like breakfast food!

Man oh man, I was so hopeful for this movie! A misled youth who interprets online fame with real-life approval, leading them to do awful things just to gain internet credibility? THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REALITY! Sadly, the film is about as engaging as scrolling through your Tumblr feed. There are visually interesting sequences scattered throughout, but the film doesn’t carry much depth. It doesn’t say anything about society (or its collapse into internet culture) that hasn’t been said before, Like Me just does it with the aesthetics of an Instagram filter. Fessenden is fine as, ya know, someone being tortured, but the detached and “enigmatic” Kiya seemed to lack all humanity, and I don’t mean in the sense that she’s been desensitized to what she’s doing, just that the role could have been played by Siri and bee equally as effective. If you’re looking for something with a handful of interesting and pretty sequences, Like Me might scratch that itch, but if you’re looking for interesting characters or any deeper meaning behind what the obsession with the internet is doing to our civilization, you’d have more luck just watching some Vines. They’re shorter, too!

Wolfman Moon Scale

Thanks to the Crocodile Dundee films and the likes of Yahoo Serious, the ’80s gave Australian cinema a pretty goofy reputation. American audiences seem to view the continent as one of the most remote places in the world, where individuals happened to also speak English, making it the perfect go-to for outsider stories. Perhaps as a response to this misconception, Australian horror films have been some of the more effective in terms of serial killer stories, whether it be Wolf Creek, The Loved Ones, or Hounds of Love. One of the most recent backwoods serial killer films, Killing Ground, aimed to continue that tradition of terrifying thrillers, but, sadly, is little more than an underwhelming imitator of more successful films from that corner of the world.

Whoa! There’s a baby involved?! This must clearly be EXTREME!

A young couple decides to go camping for the weekend for New Year’s Eve, opting to avoid the traditional celebrations that many people their age engage in, only to be disappointed to find out they aren’t the only ones camping at the location. As we see this couple’s story unfold, we also see the story of the family who will be cohabitating the area with them, leading audiences to wonder how the two stories connect. Luckily, we are given two antagonists who are the stereotypical “creepy guys who spend time in the woods,” who we will learn are the link that ties these stories together. In other words, this deadly duo torments both parties who have chosen to go camping in the wrong part of the woods, leading to the expected cat-and-mouse rigamarole full of capture, escapes, and murders.

Whoa! This killer looks like he’s a real bad boy! Maybe we’ll find out he’s a real sissy? Probably not, though.

It’s hard to pick out specific things that Killing Ground fails to accomplish, with the film being adequately acted and full of sufficient scenes of violence, which might be where the film’s faults lie; Killing Ground merely repeats the formula that other films have managed to pull off more effectively and imbued with freshness in ways Killing Ground could not. Apart from the final scenes, which go in a slightly different direction than one would anticipate, nothing about the film surprises the audience. The killers are exactly who you think they are, the victims undergo exactly the kinds of torture you expect, and there’s no surprising reveal of an interesting backstory to justify the events that occur.

Whoa! Maybe the flashbacks will give us interesting insight into why these events occur! They do not, however.

The film introduces the audience to a disjointed narrative early on, leading you to believe there would be rhyme or reason as to why the story would be told in this way. Sadly, this nonlinear narrative never pays off, other than showcasing just how vile the killers are. Another frustration is that, with other films using the performances of the killers or justification for murder being the chance to make a film stand out from the crowd, Killing Ground didn’t go that route, making the whole film feel like a massive disappointment. Fans of these backwoods slashers might enjoy the competent installment into the subgenre, but for those who were seeking more out of Killing Ground, you’ll find nothing more than a retread of well-worn territory.

Wolfman Moon Scale

Whether it be The Hunger Games or Battle Royale or The Running Man, there’s no shortage of movies about sci-fi dystopias where people must compete in some way, shape, or form in hopes of staying alive, and it’s in that tradition that Game of Death carries on. Rather than envisioning some crazy world where things like those other dystopic competitions could exist, Game of Death, from production companies La Guerrilla, Rockzeline, and Blackpills, takes a much more intimate approach that allowed the story to be carried out with a much smaller budget. Another difference this movie has from those other movies I mentioned is that those films range from “good” to “not bad,” whereas this film is definitely bad. Oh well!

“Hey guys…what if Jumanji…was spooky?!”

You know what Millennials love doing? FUCKING PARTYING!!! Our group of teens loves drugs, booze, sex, and selfies. All those things that we’ve heard about Millennials liking! Ya know what else Millennials love? Playing board games! Especially if this is a board game called “Game of Death.” The only difference about this game is that the only rules are that you need to kill someone every hour for 24 hours, or the game begins killing players…somehow? Although they doubt the severity of the game’s rules, when the players’ heads begin to explode one at a time, the surviving teens know it’s kill or be killed, empowering some while terrifying others. Will these wild-ass teens be wild enough to complete their task, will they stop one another, or will they be stopped by authorities? Guess you’ll have to watch the movie to find out!

This is why you don’t eat peanuts if you have an allergy!

Wait, actually, you know that thing I just said about watching the movie? I don’t actually recommend you do that. Conceptually, the film is perfectly adequate, and I genuinely meant what I said about how the narrative features a classic premise with a lo-fi spin in a seemingly engaging way, but the biggest issue with Game of Death  is that all of the characters are insufferable. If I had it my way, every single character would have died immediately and we potentially would have watched a blank screen for the remaining hour. Remember how you hated everything that the lead characters in Spring Breakers represented but were still compelled to see how their adventure played out? Well, imagine that, but the opposite. Oh yeah, and two of the Millennials were brother and sister having a love affair and I have no idea what the hell that was all about, but it was definitely in there…for some reason.

“Oh my god…you agreed to be in this movie too?!”

I know what you’re saying; you’re saying, “Wow, Wolfman, you really hated this movie!” However, that’s not entirely accurate. Some of the practical effects were highly effective, so some of the scenes of mayhem were genuinely entertaining. The tone and style of the film were very ambitious and frenetic, with lots of quick cuts, 16-bit sequences, and various other animations, reminiscent of Joseph Kahn’s work with Detention. Sadly, I didn’t love that film entirely, so a poor imitation didn’t really connect with me. For some, Game of Death might scratch a very specific itch that genre fans have, but I must have applied the salve that prevents that itch, as the overall unlikeability of the cast made a majority of the experience frustrating and unenjoyable.

Wolfman Moon Scale

On the one hand, it’s frustrating that films are often called “Cronenbergian” whenever it includes elements of science fiction and grimy practical effects of body horror, but on the other hand, it’s David Cronenberg’s own damn fault for defining a subgenre so wholly that the any movie even slightly delving into that realm is attributed to his name! In that regard, Replace sure is a “Cronenbergian” film, but were I to ever attribute a film of this quality to such a talented filmmaker, I’d feel guilty, because Cronenberg often makes good movies, which is something Replace most definitely is not. But hey! There’s some decent practical effects!

Yeah, it’s a hand, ever heard of it?

After a successful date with a man she’s been seeing, Kira (Rebecca Forsythe) notices a peculiar rash on one of her fingers that’s unlike any she’s seen before. As time progresses, the rash begins to spread across her entire hand. Desperate to discover what is happening to her body, a friend’s chance injury allows Kira to place a piece of her friend’s skin on her rash, resulting in the skin’s absorption into her body. Curious about the mysterious affliction, Kira begins to investigate the root of her problems, but while the disease progresses, Kira finds the only way to keep the condition at bay is by obtaining the skin of others, by any means necessary. Will Kira find a solution to her crappy skin before her temporary solutions get her in big trouble? WHO KNOWS!? (I know, I saw the movie.)

Yeah, it’s a wall, ever heard of it?

I know I can be a Debbie Downer, so how about we start with the strengths of the film, shall we? In less than ten minutes, the practical effects are incredibly convincing, using a disgusting finger peeling scene that avoids the predictable fingernail removal sequence seen in countless other horror movies to a similar effect. Some sequences are more effective than others, but I admire the filmmaker’s commitment. The core story, which was co-written by Richard Stanley, showed promise, even if the film itself didn’t live up to that potential. The brainstorming session must have been quite promising, as there are many compelling elements, but, well, I guess this is where the bad parts come in.

Yeah, it’s skin, ever heard of it? Wait, that’s Barbara Crampton. Hell yeah!

Sadly, it takes a lot more than just some solid effects when crafting a compelling film, as most other elements of the film weren’t nearly as engaging. It’s tough to discern whether it was the cast’s performances or the script that lead to so many wooden, detached interactions on screen, but it was hard to care about anyone or anything that happened to them. The initial reveal of convincing effects piqued my interests early in the film, only to regularly be disappointed with any attempt at humans trying to sound normal. Barbara Crampton manages to give her best B-movie mad scientist, but with the rest of the cast giving B-movie performances in what I assume wasn’t meant to be intentionally hokey, it’s hard to distinguish her deliberate dialogue deliveries from the rest of the cast. If body horror is your thing, you might be able to see past Replace‘s flaws for an interesting interpretation of one’s attempts at staving off death, but to everyone else, the convincing effects will only whet your appetite and leave you hungry for something more substantial.

Wolfman Moon Scale

When a horror film combines many of your favorite things, it could be a guaranteed success if a film serves those things justice or it could be a devastating blow to watch those things explored in unexciting ways. With The Ranger, two things that I hold near and dear to my heart, punk music and national parks, are thrown together to craft a slasher, with both elements ultimately being treated respectfully. The film, on the other hand, is an homage to a very specific type of cheesy slasher film that I don’t at all care for, but others might find joy in.

Set in the ’80s, a group of friends in the punk scene decides they are going to start selling drugs as their source of income, only for the cops to bust up their plans, resulting in one of the friends fatally wounding one of the officers. Needing a place to lay low, Chelsea (Chloe Levine) offers up her uncle’s cabin in a nearby national park that will allow them to regroup and figure out their next move. The friends cross paths with a park ranger (Jeremy Holm) who has a strange connection to Chelsea’s past, only for the friends to disrespect the ranger’s advice on treating the park with care. Once they reach the cabin, the punks continue to ignore the rules of ensuring the park’s safety, which is a mistake they’ll all begin paying for in deadly ways.

Rarely do films offer authentic portrayals of the punk scene, but The Ranger delivers a genuine interpretation of the outcasts. The key component in these interpretations being that these characters are abrasive and obnoxious as hell, which typically goes hand-in-hand with someone who dyes their hair pink and covers their leather jacket with spikes; punks aim to shake up the status quo and that often means rejecting societal norms. In that regard, The Ranger is sure to appeal to a specific horror demographic, as you genuinely hate these characters and want to see them become fodder for the murderer as quickly as possible, which is another staple of certain ’80s slashers.

The Ranger also never takes itself too seriously, as rules from the park service are often spoken before a character suffers a violent end, preventing the villain from ever being intimidating but rather a comedic persona who also happens to have a sadistic streak. I’m not big on slashers from the get-go, so adding in the goofiness was just another turn-off of the whole experience. Unfortunately, the film’s practical effects weren’t all that effective, making it difficult to even take joy in grisly death scenes.

Co-writer/director Jenn Wexler knows her shit when it comes to the horror genre, having produced films like Darling and Psychopaths, with The Ranger feeling like an opportunity to make her directing debut for a minimal budget with a relatively thin story. I found little to get excited about with The Ranger, but I know that the tone is sure to connect with fans of films like the Slumber Party Massacre franchise, so who gives a shit if it’s not for everybody? I know that The Ranger will find its audience, even if I’m not part of it, while I look forward to what Wexler works on next.

Wolfman Moon Scale

I like to think that I’m tapped into the horror world, but Mara was actually brought to my attention by Wolfgirl as I remained completely oblivious to its existence. It immediately appealed to her because it focused on sleep paralysis and we have a cat named Mara, who often likes to terrorize us while we slept. In other words, this movie was primed to be an adaptation of what we suffer through each and every night, right? Well, lucky for us, our lives aren’t at all similar to Mara, because that would mean our lives are pretty dull and cliched.

When forensic psychiatrist Kate (Olga Kurylenko) responds to a call about a murder, she discovers the patriarch of a household has died in peculiar circumstances, with his neck twisted in an unnatural way. The wife is blamed for the murder while the daughter is cared for by the grandfather, but the wife’s ramblings about a “sleep demon” being responsible are…peculiar. As Kate begins to follow the clues about the origins of this “sleep demon,” Kate gets wrapped up into the deadly plan, putting her in a race against the clock to not only save herself, but everyone else caught in Mara’s path. Mara, you see, is the sleep demon.

I should admit that, while Wolfgirl sent me the trailer, I couldn’t actually bring myself to watch the whole thing, as the mere concept was enough to pique my interest in watching it. Had I watched the whole trailer, I might have braced myself for just how generic and uninspired the film would be.

The film’s biggest (only?) strength is the physical performance of Javier Botet as Mara. The actor’s physical presence rivals that of frequent Guillermo Del Toro collaborator Doug Jones, as his tall and strikingly slender frame lends well to playing a supernatural being. You may have seen him as the Crooked Man in The Conjuring 2 or as the leper in IT, and he once again gives a frightening performance.

The film’s biggest flaw, of which there are many, is the convoluted explanation of why and who Mara attacks. You’d think it would be as simple as, “Well there was a lady and maybe she died for this reason or whatever and now she terrorizes people in her sleep or something,” but the justification was even more boring than what I just concocted. Instead, there’s the premise that Mara first marks a victim with a red dot on their eyeball, and then after a random amount of time, her pursuit becomes more motivated, and then…listen, there were like, four fucking stages all about her pursuit of victims, and they were all stupid and nonsensical. The whole time you’re expecting there to be some clever spin or twist like in The Ring that ties all the loose threads together, but instead, it goes nowhere and makes you angry that the filmmakers couldn’t have thought of something more clever. You’d think that the narrative to explain sleep paralysis would be, oh, I don’t know THE most important fucking thing in the movie, though it becomes clear that they convinced Botet to wear a dress and little more thought went into the actual plot.

I’ve never experienced sleep paralysis myself, though I hear it’s a horrifying ordeal. The closest I’ve seen to an effective recreation of the feeling is The Nightmare, yet even that film wasn’t so much effective for me so much as it made me comprehend the sensations. Given the number of people who suffer from sleep paralysis across the world, you’d think the film would try to find a universal explanation for why the phenomenon takes place so that the next time someone went through it, they’d think of the movie and freak out, but it might actually be more frightening to be awake and think of the movie, as you’re left wondering why it exists in the first place. Botet’s physicality is the only thing that saves the movie from being completely abysmal, though there are better movies where you can see his skills.

Wolfman Moon Scale

Now that we’re in the post-Thanksgiving season, it’s the perfect time to seek out holiday-themed horror, with All the Creatures Were Stirring scratching that itch. Not only does the film fulfill our holiday horror desires, but it’s also an anthology, a tried and true approach to making the best out of a potentially thin concept. I mean, we have movies like Krampus, Gremlins, and the Silent Night, Deadly Night series that we can annually revisit, though this new anthology has now entered the battlefield in hopes of cementing itself as a film to watch every year to get you in the spirit of the season. While the individual segments do manage to deliver a variety of horrific interpretations of the holiday, it underwhelms with its horror and humor, despite having the best of intentions.

The first segment, “The Stockings Were Hung,” depicts an office party where the employees are locked in and forced to open gifts that will either be their salvation or their demise, with the tension revealing how the co-workers truly feel about one another. The segment feels somewhere between The Belko Experiment and Office Christmas Party and, given that I don’t really like either of those films, I didn’t connect much with this story. The narrative had to expedite the tension to fit the timeframe of the vignette, leading to some massive leaps in logic that were far too difficult to grasp. The story runs its course in a shorter amount of time than most viewers spend being introduced to the protagonists in the Saw films, which is time we invest in their wellbeing. The concept was fine, but the expedited tension meant that we only just began caring about the characters by the time the segment was over.

“Dash Away All” depicts a man who locks himself out of his car, only for two women in a van to offer assistance. This is a horror movie, so obviously these ladies are up to no good, but I don’t want to say what kind of madness unfolds, given that this is one of the film’s stronger segments. The inventiveness of the, we’ll say “shenanigans,” is pretty cool, offering up some unique shenanigans I’ve never quite seen before. It might feel like a cop out to only say this segment was “pretty good” without really elaborating, but as to not spoil anything, I’ll say this one was pretty good!

What would a Christmas-themed horror anthology be without a riff on A Christmas Carol? Well, “All Through the House” delivers just that, albeit a condensed version of the key elements of the holiday that still manages to get the point across. The ghosts in the segment are a lot creepier than what we’ve seen in most other versions of the story, which helps inject some actual horror into the vignette that embraces comedy much more than horror. This sequence is also “not bad,” though that might be due to the effectiveness of the original premise that has been adapted ad nauseam.

“Arose Such a Clatter” depicts a man hitting a deer, fatally wounding it, To put it out of its misery, he smashes its head in with a rock, only for audiences to learn it was one of Santa’s reindeer, resulting in a killer with a glowing red nose following the man home, seeking revenge. What makes this segment work so well is that it has an inventive premise that will immediately hook viewers with its cleverness, allowing the rest of the short to play out as a relatively straightforward horror story, regardless of the absurdity of the concept. Directors Rebekah and David Ian McKendry use familiar genre tropes to deliver an entertaining and goofy tale of revenge.

The final segment, “In a Twinkling,” focuses on a man who claims he likes to spend the holiday alone, only for his girlfriend to insist on keeping him company. This will be a decision they both regret, as we discover the man keeps to himself because he annually has some uninvited, otherworldy visitors. Mostly feeling like an episode of The Twilight Zone, there are some cool ideas in this segment about a man who just accepts the bizarre events he endures every year, yet we’re left wishing that this story was fleshed out a bit more. Had this segment been a bit longer, say the length of an actual Twilight Zone episode, we could have been given a more fulfilling story, but I appreciated the homage and everything the segment was going for.

But wait, there’s a wraparound story! The framing device used to tell all these vignettes is that two people who are alone on Christmas would rather spend it together, so they decide to go see a play where all of the above stories are being acted out in front of them. The framing device reminded me of something like V/H/S, but the live theater felt like an interesting twist and something I hadn’t seen before. So that’s good! The reveal at the end of the wraparound and the reason why these two were on a date in the first place might not be entirely exceptional, yet the balance between serving merely as a setup for the vignettes and actually delivering an entire storyline was effective, so there’s that, at least.

As previously mentioned, the film was written and directed by Rebekah and David Ian McKendry, which helps lend a consistency to the entire endeavor. While many other contemporary anthologies offer multiple filmmaking teams, All the Creatures Were Stirring remains steadfast in its quality and style. On the one hand, we aren’t forced to sit through any flat-out turds by a director trying to make a “statement,” though, on the other hand, there’s nothing that really makes any segment stand out from the rest, other than the different narratives. If you like one, you’ll probably like them all, but if you don’t connect with one, that’s a trend that’s sure to continue.

As far as how the film ranks as a holiday horror film, there’s much to be desired when it comes to the connections to the actual holiday. We’ve seen enough Christmas horror movies by now to have covered virtually all of the obvious angles, forcing All the Creatures to think outside the box. The tenuous connection to the spirit of the season might frustrate some looking to get excited for the holidays, in conjunction with the film having seemingly been shot in California so it doesn’t even look like “Christmas,” might disappoint some viewers.

So where does that leave us? All the Creatures Were Stirring delivers some scares and some laughs, yet leaves us wishing there were a lot more of both. There are definitely some clever interpretations of holiday horror, yet much of the rest of the film felt like filler. Also, there’s a lot of really great people in it, which works as a double-edged sword, both causing excitement when we see them on screen and frustration that they weren’t given stronger material to work with. The anthology might not be for me, but I’m sure as hell happy it exists.

Wolfman Moon Scale

There have definitely been multiple years where I spent St. Patrick’s Day drinking a Shamrock Shake and watching Leprechaun because, well, what the hell else are you supposed to do on that day? Drink? BORING. Much like watching ThanksKilling on Thanksgiving, I didn’t necessarily do this because I enjoyed the movie, I just didn’t know what the hell else to do with myself. That being said, the first Leprechaun kinda sucks. It’s not great as a horror movie, it’s not great as a comedy, and fails to fall into the “so bad it’s good” level of enjoyment as something like the Troll films. So what does that mean for my enthusiasm for Leprechaun Returns? Well, it’s not great as a horror movie, it’s not great as a comedy, so I guess Leprechaun Returns is the best sequel since the original!

Set as a direct sequel to the 1993 film, a girl and her friends head to a cabin for spring break or something (really not important) and inadvertently awaken the green monster from the well where he met his demise decades earlier. Upon awakening, he…kills people. Yeah, that’s right, the leprechaun comes back to kill people while searching for his pot of gold! There’s wisecracks, there’s gruesome special effects, and then it’s over. That was probably my favorite part, when I knew it was over,

Look…these movies aren’t for me, and that’s okay, because they might be for somebody. To the best of my knowledge, this film hits all the major beats that audiences expect from such a film, with Linden Porco making for a worthy successor to Warwick Davis, who originally played the part. Given that Leprechaun: Origins (which I saw in theaters!) made the titular villain more monstrous and devoid of any charm or dialogue, Leprechaun Returns was much more in line with the tone of the proper franchise. Director Steven Kostanski delivers some satisfying special effects which, if my memory serves me, are much gorier than anything featured in the original film, which might have made this film more rewarding for me. Reminder, see The Void, which Kostanski co-directed, which friggin’ rules.

While you might be thinking, “Why the hell should I listen to this ‘Wolfman’ who doesn’t even like the movies? He sounds like an idiot!” you’d be correct in doing so. However, while these films might not particularly be my thing, I can still recognize when they are absolutely abysmal, like Origins, and promise that Leprechaun Returns fits much more in line with the spirit of the original series, with both its humor and its horrors. The one-liners and buckets of green blood are sure to elate devout fans of the franchise, even if I still think the franchise as a whole pretty much stinks.

Wolfman Moon Scale

In 1979, The Amityville Horror, inspired by a book of the same name, introduced the world to what is regarded as one of the most haunted houses in the world, which was reportedly plagued by all manner of supernatural entities. In the 40 years since that film’s debut, the Long Island home has inspired more than 20 feature films that have delivered audiences a wide spectrum of specters, though The Amityville Murders attempts to deliver audiences the story of the real-life murders that took place in the home on a fateful night in 1974. That attempt ends up feeling like every other chapter in the long-running franchise, offering audiences the tried and true interpretations of a haunted house that drives someone to madness, with the major difference being that we know exactly how the film ends as soon as the opening credits start.

After partaking in a seemingly innocent “ritual” that allows you to communicate with spirits, the DeFeo household becomes plagued with otherworldly events. The unexplained occurrences seem to center around Ronald (John Robinson), whose combative relationship with his father is heightened by the terrifying visions he has of shadowy spirits around the home. The rest of the family dismisses what Ronald is going through as him being sick, only for each day that passes sending him further into madness, made all the worse when he discovers the home was built on a Native American burial ground. Oh, and then Ronald kills his family. The end!

The DeFeo murders are a key component of virtually every incarnation of the film franchise, as each new resident is wary about moving into a home where murders occurred. Understandably, the discovery that you’ll have to worry about where you put your recliner in relation to where a body was found is something that would make someone feel a little uncomfortable, even if there wasn’t a supernatural explanation for the event. In that regard, the setup of virtually all other Amityville films makes perfect sense, with Murders requiring an extra leap in logic to invest any interest in the narrative.

One big flaw with The Amityville Murders is that the only connection the case has to the supernatural is that, in 1975, DeFeo claimed he heard “voices” that told him to kill his parents. In the decades since the murders, DeFeo’s story has changed numerous times, which includes blaming other parties for taking part in the murders, while historians have confirmed that the burial ground connection is false. In other words, the only confirmed details about the events are that DeFeo killed six people and the family that moved into the home a year later claimed to have experienced otherworldly events.

In that regard, The Amityville Murders is nothing more than an attempt to cash in on a real tragedy with a recognizable word in the title. As a horror movie, everything is safe, forgettable, and generic. The 1974 setting offers a slight twist from other horror films in the Amityville legacy, and it also feels like an authentic interpretation of a Long Island family’s tense dynamic. While most of the performances are effective, there are times when the tone falls too deep into parody, leaving viewers unsure whether we should be laughing with the film or at it.

If you’re willing to look past the many, many factual inaccuracies in the film, you’re given a predictable ghost story that has moments of unconventional staging and framing, which allows it to briefly stand out from other films in the Amityville franchise. The film’s conclusion, unfortunately, features actual footage and photographs of the crime scene, driving the point home that these were real people who were tragically killed. This only makes everything that preceded the final moments of the film feel all the more disrespectful, serving as nothing more than a cash grab on the horrific events that unfolded in the quiet community.

While the overall experience of the film is a safe and traditional haunted house movie, you’ll have a hard time washing the taste out of your mouth regarding the filmmakers’ decisions to go such an expected route when so many other psychological elements that motivated the murders could have finally been explored. Save your time and just watch the original Amityville Horror, it has James Brolin and Margot Kidder!

Wolfman Moon Scale