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Santa’s Slay (2005) [REVIEW]
When it came to selecting which Christmas themed horror movies I was going to review, Santa’s Slay wasn’t even close to being a contender. It looked dumb, didn’t have good reviews, and although I...
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Christmas Evil (1980) [REVIEW]
Do I call it Christmas Evil or do I call it You Better Watch Out or do I call it Terror in Toyland? Stupid fucking Troma movies and their goddamned titles! When gathering Christmas horror movies to...
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Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987) [REVIEW]
Even though I only just saw Silent Night, Deadly Night a few weeks ago, I was pretty excited to see that Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 had a theatrical screening in Chicago. I had read a few...
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A Little Bit Zombie (2012) [REVIEW]
It’s a zombie movie, but it’s a comedy! Some might say that A Little Bit Zombie is a zomb-edy! Guys, do you get it? They took a classic horror movie monster and decided to give it a clever little...
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Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet (2009) [REVIEW]
Have any of you guys ever played with a Ouija board? Has anything evil ever happened to any of you? Exactly, I didn’t think so. I feel like everyone has a story about some made up bullshit that one...
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Splice (2009) [REVIEW]
SCIENCE! Name one good thing that science has done for you lately. I dare you. No, I’m not talking about getting a text message or the invention of gravity or anything, but name ONE way in which has...
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House at the End of the Street (2012) [REVIEW]
Not including remakes or sequels, there are three big problems that cause horror movie fans to preemptively judge a film by. One of those things would be horror movies that get a wide theatrical...
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Bait (2012) [REVIEW]
The people who made The Grey can fuck right off. Well, maybe that’s a little harsh. I had seen trailers for The Grey and wasn’t all that happy with the portrayal of wolves as villains, as you could...
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Lifeforce (1985) [REVIEW]
Earlier this week, I was faced with a tough decision. I had to decide between staying home to talk shit about the Oscars on the internet or going to a screening of Tobe Hooper’s Lifeforce in...
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Come Out and Play (2012) [REVIEW]
Sorry guys, but horror movies involving creepy little kids don’t really do it for me. I guess that out of all the horror movies I’ve seen involving kids, I end up thinking about how they’re little...
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House (1986) [REVIEW]
What an inventive name for a horror film! House! I wonder where it takes place! Maybe a house? Maybe a location that’s not a house? Who knows, bro. This film is NOT to be confused with that guy with...
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The Haunting (1999) [REVIEW]
Sometimes you need to revisit things that you might have enjoyed when you were 14 years younger. Sometimes you need to watch PG-13 horror to guarantee that you won’t see too many boobs or gore....
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The Devil’s Advocate (1997) [REVIEW]
Ya know what’s pretty awkward? Watching The Devil’s Advocate with your mom. I mean, not the mom of whoever is reading this, because odds are I haven’t watched ANY movie with her, so I guess I should...
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Aftershock (2012) [REVIEW]
“The only thing more terrifying than mother nature is human nature.” Hahahaha who fucking wrote that?! That’s so dumb. I mean, I get it, I guess, because I think movies need to have some sort of...
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The Purge (2013) [REVIEW]
Humans are pretty big pieces of shit, aren’t they? Just in general, we walk around like a bunch of sophisticated beings, but we’re just a bunch of animals that got lucky enough to be born at a time...
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Dark Skies (2013) [REVIEW]
FUCKING ALIENS, AM I RIGHT GUYS?! If you’ve read my recent reviews of Signs or V/H/S/2, you’ll be familiar with the fact that alien movies creep me out. Even if you haven’t read those reviews, now...
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Silent Hill: Revelation (2012) [REVIEW]
Does anyone remember anything about the first Silent Hill movie? Something about some guy with a pyramid on his head? Or something? Whatever. Even though I don’t remember much about the plot of the...
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Blood Runs Cold (2011) [REVIEW]
Talk about the dog days of summer! It’s getting hot out there, guys! Better wear your sunblock and your floppy hats! I generally prefer to watch movies that reflect the time of year or season that...
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The Mothman Prophecies (2002) [REVIEW]
I recently had to drive to a wedding that was out in West Virginia, and while driving there, I wondered what the fuck West Virginia was known for so I knew what sights and sounds I should be on the...
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No One Lives (2012) [REVIEW]
I wouldn’t necessarily say that WWE Studios have built themselves all that impressive of a reputation with the films they’ve produced, but I also can’t say that I’ve seen a single fucking one of...
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